shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
