just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i believe in u and ur pee
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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