She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
