Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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