There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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