Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
there is glitter all over my balls
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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