Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
