Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
