Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
