I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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