i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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