So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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