That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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