Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
