It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
