please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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