ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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