I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
