I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
