At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
