so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
