...so i touched it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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