I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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