hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
