bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
