I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
