sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
