I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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