I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
