What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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