Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I deserve this hangover.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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