i permit you to call me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
