false alarm. still invincible.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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