hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
