Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
