I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
