Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
