Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
