new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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