shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
