There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
