i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
