No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
