I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
