Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
