you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No subtext here. People are naked.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
