I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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