Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
