Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
