My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
