you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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