Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
