hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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