Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
