You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
