he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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