Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize