Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
