i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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