Screwed.edu
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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