If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
