I wanna bring you to show and tell
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
