You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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