this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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