She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
