What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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