It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
